Day 35 | Grow up and let go. I have a memory from when I was 8 or 9. I remember feeling that I worked very hard to prepare a bunch of toys to sell in a garage sale my parents were having. At the end of the morning, the money was equally divided and to this day, I can recall the feeling that I deserved a larger share of the earnings for my contribution. Subsequently, I threw a pathetic temper tantrum which only stopped when I got what I wanted. Thinking back now, that memory is one of the most embarrassing moments I have but truthfully, sometimes I still feel and act like this when I don’t get what I want or feel I deserve. I have two takeaways from this memory I need to consider along my journey. 1) What I want is not always fair and I need to look for balance opposed to me demanding my way. I especially need to deal with these situations like an adult. 2) I need let some memories go. This story may seem silly, but to this day, when I think about it, I get embarrassed and feel a great deal of guilt. I need to let those feeling go and move on with life. I want to be different now so as long as I learn from it, I need to move on. Here are some embarrassing photos of me as a kid. I may look sweet but I had a bratty side for sure!

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Day 33 | Be respectfully selfish. When choosing to be happy and let the world take me in new and exciting directions, I have found a need to be more selfish when making decisions. Think about what will make me happy and what is important to me. Though I believe this to generally be a good thing, allowing me to live my best life by doing the things that are important to me, I have also learned that it is important to still be conscious of others in my selfishness. Being too selfish and only thinking of yourself, even with the best intentions, will push others away. Once again highlighted is the value of trying to find balance in life.

Day 33 | Be respectfully selfish. When choosing to be happy and let the world take me in new and exciting directions, I have found a need to be more selfish when making decisions. Think about what will make me happy and what is important to me. Though I believe this to generally be a good thing, allowing me to live my best life by doing the things that are important to me, I have also learned that it is important to still be conscious of others in my selfishness. Being too selfish and only thinking of yourself, even with the best intentions, will push others away. Once again highlighted is the value of trying to find balance in life.

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Day 23 | Loneliness is not always being alone. It’s easy to surround yourself with people to fill time and be a distraction but it is hard to find people you truly connect with that fulfills the human need to be a part of a tribe. I am very grateful for the few with whom I have a true connection, both past and present. Without these people, true loneliness set in and I have to rely on my own company, which has not always been the most positive. As part of my journey, I need to prioritize maintaining the connection I have, rebuilding some I have lost and being open to new people coming into my life. A picture of a time I did not feel alone.

Day 23 | Loneliness is not always being alone. It’s easy to surround yourself with people to fill time and be a distraction but it is hard to find people you truly connect with that fulfills the human need to be a part of a tribe. I am very grateful for the few with whom I have a true connection, both past and present. Without these people, true loneliness set in and I have to rely on my own company, which has not always been the most positive. As part of my journey, I need to prioritize maintaining the connection I have, rebuilding some I have lost and being open to new people coming into my life. A picture of a time I did not feel alone.

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Day 22 | Don’t be bored actively. I mentioned this yesterday. I feel like boredom is the root of so much negativity. When I historically filled my free time with work, food, binge watching shows and countless hours of video games, I was allowing myself to be actively bored. Just filling time for the sake of killing time. Don’t get me wrong, nine of those activities are bad, and in fact, I think they can be very healthy but the problem is that I was doing them for the wrong reasons. I was using these as distractions. What I’ve realized is that you need to fill your time with things that make you happy, give you a sense of accomplishment or rewards you with a new experience. Don’t just fill your time to avoid being bored. Live. Explore. Learn. Tonight, I choose to live.

Day 22 | Don’t be bored actively. I mentioned this yesterday. I feel like boredom is the root of so much negativity. When I historically filled my free time with work, food, binge watching shows and countless hours of video games, I was allowing myself to be actively bored. Just filling time for the sake of killing time. Don’t get me wrong, nine of those activities are bad, and in fact, I think they can be very healthy but the problem is that I was doing them for the wrong reasons. I was using these as distractions. What I’ve realized is that you need to fill your time with things that make you happy, give you a sense of accomplishment or rewards you with a new experience. Don’t just fill your time to avoid being bored. Live. Explore. Learn. Tonight, I choose to live.

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Day 20 | The journey should never be over. This is me reflecting after I woke up. Potentially vulnerable having not brushed my hair, put on an out fit or shaved, just having my coffee. Yesterday was an interesting one. I am honestly feeling like a different person. I woke up with a smile on my face and I went to bed with an even bigger smile. The difference from 20 days ago is shocking. My challenge now is to not stop the journey. It feels like I could take my new found happiness and just ride it out until the end of time but deep down I know, if I did that, I would not maintain all the good I have accomplished. I need to keep making the choice to be happy, keep doing things that push my limits and keep exploring what it means to be alive. Easy would be to sit back and enjoy, but I need to keep pushing now harder than ever.

Day 20 | The journey should never be over. This is me reflecting after I woke up. Potentially vulnerable having not brushed my hair, put on an out fit or shaved, just having my coffee. Yesterday was an interesting one. I am honestly feeling like a different person. I woke up with a smile on my face and I went to bed with an even bigger smile. The difference from 20 days ago is shocking. My challenge now is to not stop the journey. It feels like I could take my new found happiness and just ride it out until the end of time but deep down I know, if I did that, I would not maintain all the good I have accomplished. I need to keep making the choice to be happy, keep doing things that push my limits and keep exploring what it means to be alive. Easy would be to sit back and enjoy, but I need to keep pushing now harder than ever.

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Day 19 | Your Health Is Important. From mental health to physical health. Apparently a lot of health related things this week. I’m really happy with the progress of my diet, gym and mental health regiment. My only regret is that I let myself get to a place wheee I needed to work so hard to correct things so from now on I am going to take a more proactive approach to my health. I recently had 25 vials of blood take to run a long list of tests. I got the results today and had a doctor walk me through things. Overall, I thank keto for this, I’m a pretty healthy guy. There are some things to watch closely but nothing that can’t be prevented. I can’t believe I was nervous to get something like this done for so many years. Maybe I was afraid to find out something I did not want to know. Regardless, one more thing off my list that I don’t need to worry about and can proactively monitor to make sure my physical matches the positive mental state I’ve learned.

Day 19 | Your Health Is Important. From mental health to physical health. Apparently a lot of health related things this week. I’m really happy with the progress of my diet, gym and mental health regiment. My only regret is that I let myself get to a place wheee I needed to work so hard to correct things so from now on I am going to take a more proactive approach to my health. I recently had 25 vials of blood take to run a long list of tests. I got the results today and had a doctor walk me through things. Overall, I thank keto for this, I’m a pretty healthy guy. There are some things to watch closely but nothing that can’t be prevented. I can’t believe I was nervous to get something like this done for so many years. Maybe I was afraid to find out something I did not want to know. Regardless, one more thing off my list that I don’t need to worry about and can proactively monitor to make sure my physical matches the positive mental state I’ve learned.

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Day 18 | A day late because I could not quite find the words. I’m still not sure I have. Today is serious topic for me and follows some of my previous reflection. I have long suspected that I may have been living with ADHD my whole life. I am not ashamed of health issues but I have not taken steps to address them either. Over the past few decades, I have seen unbelievable progress towards how mental health issues are perceived and accepted in society. With this in mind, I want to, and need to, be open about my truth. As part of my journey, I have started asking for help when I need it because I can now acknowledge that I can’t fix everything on my own. Recently, I took the step of asking for help from a professional to work through some of my deeper challenges. I am so glad I did. She nearly immediately confirmed my suspicion about ADHD and put me on a plan to work through it. Obviously too soon to say there is a long term difference but I am starting to feel the benefits. I have not been this balanced since… well, maybe ever.

Day 18 | A day late because I could not quite find the words. I’m still not sure I have. Today is serious topic for me and follows some of my previous reflection. I have long suspected that I may have been living with ADHD my whole life. I am not ashamed of health issues but I have not taken steps to address them either. Over the past few decades, I have seen unbelievable progress towards how mental health issues are perceived and accepted in society. With this in mind, I want to, and need to, be open about my truth. As part of my journey, I have started asking for help when I need it because I can now acknowledge that I can’t fix everything on my own. Recently, I took the step of asking for help from a professional to work through some of my deeper challenges. I am so glad I did. She nearly immediately confirmed my suspicion about ADHD and put me on a plan to work through it. Obviously too soon to say there is a long term difference but I am starting to feel the benefits. I have not been this balanced since… well, maybe ever.

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• Day 13 – Lucky 13 deserves something special and something I have never done before. I’ve always considered getting a tattoo but have not taken the plunge because I could never decide what meant enough to me to permanently mark it on my body. If my journey has taught me anything, it has reinforced how short life really is and that choosing happiness is a choice I need to make. This in my new, and first, tattoo of the chemical dopamine with a semicolon. It’s now on my wrist to constantly remind me that that though I need to acknowledge sadness and hard times, I need to choose my own joy and seek it out. Thanks @greathuron

• Day 13 – Lucky 13 deserves something special and something I have never done before. I’ve always considered getting a tattoo but have not taken the plunge because I could never decide what meant enough to me to permanently mark it on my body. If my journey has taught me anything, it has reinforced how short life really is and that choosing happiness is a choice I need to make. This in my new, and first, tattoo of the chemical dopamine with a semicolon. It’s now on my wrist to constantly remind me that that though I need to acknowledge sadness and hard times, I need to choose my own joy and seek it out. Thanks @greathuron

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Day 8 | Friends. A day of reflection. I am incredibly grateful for everyone who has reached out to me with their support. I can promise you that there is no need to concern about my posts. However, sometimes in life, it feels like your journey is a lonely one but it’s been proven to me that I am not alone. This has been an important realization. In life, there are good times, bad times and a lot in between. I’ll admit that I have been living through challenging times but I refuse to let life beat me. I have been taking life one day at a time by focusing on making positive change every day. Though this journey, I already have a sense of self and accomplishment that I have not felt in years but know there is still a long road ahead. Knowing that there are people rooting for me pushes me to succeed even more and makes each step a little easier. Thank you.

Day 8 | Friends. A day of reflection. I am incredibly grateful for everyone who has reached out to me with their support. I can promise you that there is no need to concern about my posts. However, sometimes in life, it feels like your journey is a lonely one but it’s been proven to me that I am not alone. This has been an important realization. In life, there are good times, bad times and a lot in between. I’ll admit that I have been living through challenging times but I refuse to let life beat me. I have been taking life one day at a time by focusing on making positive change every day. Though this journey, I already have a sense of self and accomplishment that I have not felt in years but know there is still a long road ahead. Knowing that there are people rooting for me pushes me to succeed even more and makes each step a little easier. Thank you.

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